Tag "dating"

The Confidence Curse?

Hi everyone, I have been meeting a lot of people lately and taking the time to see what’s happening out there. A lot of my friends are either getting married, newly engaged or have embarked on a new relationship. These are all things that I have no relation to as I’m still single and working hard in other areas of my life, however I’m no stranger to the dating world and I have to say it’s pretty rough out there these days. I’m living vicariously through a lot of my friends and acquaintances at the moment but here are some of my findings…

Plussize women are being appreciated a lot more these days now with some

public sex symbols of our own flying the flag for women like myself everywhere. The funny thing though, I actually find in my own personal experience and that of some of the other women I know, that being confident can be a little bit of a curse when it comes to dating. Yes, men love a confident woman but the problem in that area often falls short at the feet of the men…

I have seen a lot of articles and youtube videos featuring many men who find bigger women seriously attractive. A common theme that a lot of them have is the insecurity that comes from peer pressure and society at large. For some it seems that plus size women are allowed to be confident, even pretty but many people find it taboo to want to date one of us! I guess society has been pushing our smaller sisters out to the world as the one and only standard of beauty. I have mentioned this before but I think it’s a cultural thing because in many parts of the world it’s the bigger girls who are seen as the more desirable option. The issue is that many men simply can’t face the ridicule of dating women who look like myself.

Having said all of this, dating as a plus woman is not an easy thing. A lot of men make it obvious that big women to them are nothing more than some sort of sexual fetish. The term BBW used to mean Big Beautiful Woman but over the recent years and through the negative side of social media this is now a term that has attached itself to the larger women who wish to objectify themselves sexually. I have no issue with women choosing to do what they want with their sexuality or their fatness. The problem that I have is that to some men, all confident big girls who like to show a little skin from time to time are placed under that same umbrella.

There seem to be a lot of men out there who want to date big girls, whilst hiding them behind closed doors. I find that the challenge many of us have is finding the men who have the larger woman as a physical preference or those who don’t care either way that generally want to get to know the woman beneath the body. It’s funny how many men think they are paying you a compliment whilst blatantly letting you know that they see you as nothing more than a sexual fantasy. On the flip side to that there are a lot of men who also think that we big girls should be grateful to receive any male attention at all and should “take what we can get!”

If you meet a woman like myself who knows herself, has a lot of confidence but won’t settle where do you go from there? I know a lot of men who like big women genuinely but the stereotypical feeders and chubby chasers are giving them a bad rep and many women are missing out on these genuine guys because they have had to wade through so much nonsense that in the end many of them give up dating all together!

I think there is a fine line because every woman wants to feel sexy and be seen as sexy from their prospective dates. The thing is there does come a point where you think OK, glad you like what you see but don’t you wanna get to know me at all? A lot of men these days are asking women for sex before they even know their name, age or relationship status! I personally find this really frustrating. I mean on the one hand it’s good to know up front if a guy is just out for the one thing but on the other hand at least back in the day a man was willing to honour you enough respect to try and take you out a few times before trying to get into your knickers! I find that the current way of dating, using apps that scroll through people like magazine pages has left a lot of us feeling like the people we may date are talking to a catalogue of other people and it can make it hard to know if someone really likes you for what you have to offer and if they’re even willing to get to know you.

I’m personally not sure what to think of the dating world at large but I am starting to wonder if being a confident fat woman is intimidating to many guys? I’m trying to work out why some men think that being thin and confident is super sexy but being big and confident is such a turn off. For all the men I have spoken to about this subject I am still none the wiser and so I’m bringing the question to some of you. What do you think the issue is for big girls out there looking for love and what can they do to help some of these nice guys feel more confident in making their approach?